In the first place

It aint for me to judge 'em, and I don't understand how they do it.  You are a very practical man, Tom, but just you put yourself in my shoes and see what you'd do.  In the first place, I don't know of a woman in the world that I'd think of marrying.  That's saying nothing against the women,--there's lots too good for me,--but I don't know 'em and I can't go around and hunt 'em up.  Even if I could, with my shy, awkward ways, I wouldn't feel half so nervous starting out on a bear hunt.  Here's difficulty right at the beginning.  Supposing I found a nice, sensible woman, such as I'd be willing to marry, there isn't one chance in a hundred she'd look at an old fellow like me.  Another difficulty: Supposing she would; suppose she looked me square in the eyes and said, 'So you truly want a wife?' what in thunder would I say then?--I don't want a wife, I want a housekeeper, a butter maker, one that would look after my interests as if they were her own; and if I could hire a woman that would do what I wish, I'd never think of marrying.  I can't tell a woman that I love her when I don't.  If I went to a minister with a woman I'd be deceiving him, and deceiving her, and perjuring myself promiscuously.  I married once according to law and gospel and I was married through and through, and I can't do the thing over again in any way that would seem to me like marrying at all.  The idea of me sitting by the fire and wishing that the woman who sat on the t'other side of the stove was my first wife!  Yet I couldn't help doing this any more than breathing.  Even if there was any chance of my succeeding I can't see anything square or honest in my going out and hunting up a wife as a mere matter of business.  I know other people do it and I've thought a good deal about it myself, but when it comes to the point of acting I find I can't do it." The two men now withdrew from the table to the fireside and lighted their pipes.  Mrs. Watterly stepped out for a moment and Tom, looking over his shoulder to make sure she was out of ear shot, said under his breath, "But suppose you found a woman that you could love and obey, and all that?" "Oh, of course, that would make everything different.  I wouldn't begin with a lie then, and I know enough of my wife to feel sure that she wouldn't be a sort of dog in the manger after she was dead.  She was one of those good souls that if she could speak her mind this minute she would say, 'James, what's best and right for you is best and right.'  But it's just because she was such a good wife that I know there's no use of trying to put anyone in her place.  Where on earth could I find anybody, and how could we get acquainted so that we'd know anything about each other?  No, I must just scratch along for a short time as things are and be on the lookout to sell or rent."